


West Wing Memos

by mavjade



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Parental Guilt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-16 11:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8100547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mavjade/pseuds/mavjade
Summary: A series of West Wing drabbles and short stories. Each Chapter is a new story.First story - Josh has a flashback to Rosslyn. Second Story - Josh thinks about his relationship with Toby after their fight, and what he's going to do about it. Third Story- Josh talks to his mother while on the Santos Campaign trail.





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

> I'm using a prompt list from the JCF at boards.theforce.net (in the Non-Star Wars FanFic section), but I'd love some other prompts as well! If you got em, let me have em!  
> These will mostly be Josh and/or Donna, but other characters will show up as well.

Falling  
  
**Characters:** Josh, Donna  
**Timeline:** Takes place at the end of Noel when Donna is taking Josh to the hospital to get his hand stitched up.  
**Notes:** Kinda an experimental writing style. I hope it makes sense! If not, please let me know!  
  
\- - - - -  
  
_"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"_  
-Leo McGarry in Season 2, Episode 10 Noel  
  
  
  
It was always the same feeling, like he was falling into a hole right as the screaming started and the sirens were blaring. He would tell himself it wasn’t real, it was a memory, but the falling kept happening and he couldn’t control it. It would get louder and louder and the pain in his chest would blossom and he couldn’t catch his breath.  
  
Cold.  
  
The world was spinning.  
  
Screaming. Never ending.  
  
It wouldn’t stop and he’d continue to fall further and further in until he knew nothing but the pain and the fear. Fear that he was going to die alone. Fear that his friends were already dead.  
  
His hands wet with the blood that wouldn’t stop.  
  
_“Josh.”_  
  
He could hear a soft voice calling his name, but he looked around and saw no one. Only people running and screaming. No one looking at him.  
  
Alone.  
  
_“It’s okay, Josh. It’s not real.”_  
  
He tried taking a deep breath, but pain shot through his side.  
  
_“Joshua. Please come back to me.”_  
  
He could feel someone’s hands on his arm, on his back. Comforting.  
  
He felt a stab in the arm and the pain began to lessen. Every breath was no longer excruciating. He could still hear the voice, louder now. He knew it was Donna.  
  
Donna! She couldn’t be here! Was she hurt?  
  
_“It’s okay, everyone’s okay.”_  
  
The hand continued to rub, now on the top of his head like his mom used to do when he was sick. It felt nice. He was feeling sleepy.  
  
_“Open your eyes, Josh.”_  
  
He did as Donna asked. He always did as Donna asked. The pain and the panic all began to dissipate and only a warm, numb feeling was left.  
  
“There you are,” she smiled at him. “It’s okay, the doctor gave you something to help calm you down. It’s been a long day.”  
  
Josh looked around, he could tell he was in the hospital, the Emergency Room. “What… what happened?”  
  
“Do you remember leaving the White House? We came to the hospital to get your hand stitched up.”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“I guess being here set off a panic attack. We got here in the room and everything was fine and then…”  
  
“Falling.”  
  
“What?” Donna asked somewhat confused with what was seemingly a non-sequitur.  
  
“Then I was falling into the hole and I couldn’t get out.”  
  
Donna understood. She’d heard Leo’s analogy about the hole and the friend jumping in to help find their way out. Before she could think of what to say, Josh was already asleep. “We’ll help you find your way out, Josh. You won’t be in the hole forever,” she whispered.  
  
She put her hand under his and sat down in the chair beside the bed he was currently occupying. She’d gotten him through being shot in the chest and the months of recovery, she wasn’t going to let him fall now.


	2. Forgive and Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh thinks about his friendship with Toby after their fight and what he's going to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after Josh and Toby fight but before "Bob".

It had been a tense few months, Toby’s brother died, he and Josh literally fought, and Toby had revealed information he should never have even been aware of. Josh knew Toby was hurting, and not just for the obvious reasons, but also because Josh himself had hurt him. 

After their fight, Josh replayed their conversation in his mind over and over, and the one part that stood out was when Toby wondered why.

“Why didn’t you come to me? Do you have any idea how strong a force we could have been if we’d taken on a candidate together?”

It was abandonment Toby was feeling, something Josh could certainly identify with. Toby’s brother had killed himself and Josh went to find the next president, alone. Things didn't happen in that order, but feelings weren't always rational.

At first, Josh and Toby had not really seen eye to eye, but they did quickly learn to respect each other. Over time, both doing their best to get a man the believed in elected President of the United States, that respect grew to friendship. That friendship became closer over the years, and Josh felt as though Toby was family and he was pretty sure Toby felt the same way about him. So Josh could understand the sense of betrayal at Josh leaving even though it was never intended that way. 

It was this thought that allowed Josh to push through the anger at Toby and forgive him, not only for the fight but for the things he had said about Matt Santos. 

For the things he’d implied about Josh. 

So Josh would do what he did best, act like nothing was wrong, like nothing had changed in order to get his friend back. He’d have to be careful, of course. If anyone caught wind of the Democratic nominee’s campaign manager talking to the man who had released classified information -no matter how noble his intentions- then they would all but hand the presidency to the Republicans and Josh would be lucky to get someone elected to a condo board. 

But for all of the risk, Josh thought it was worth it. For his friend. For his brother.


	3. Mothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh talks to his mother early in the morning while on the Santos Campaign trail while trying not to wake Donna.

“Hmm… hello?” a sleepy Josh answered his phone. He looked across the darkened room at the clock which said 6:25 am and groaned. 

“Joshua,” his mother’s voice said in a tone he knew quite well, admonishment. He heard it often when he was a precarious child, but only heard it on occasion now, if only because he didn’t live within several hundred miles of his mother, so she did not know all the crazy things he was up to. 

Josh careful song his legs over the side of the bed and pulled on his boxers then tiptoed to the bathroom, “Hi, mom.”

“Don’t you ‘hi mom,' me. You haven’t called in weeks.” She fired back. “I just saw a glimpse of you on the news, and you look terrible.”

“Mom, it’s six-o-clock in the morning,” he whispered. 

“Well, I figured you’d be awake. You always tell me there’s no time to sleep on the campaign trail.”

“I had a late night,” Josh defended. He’d only been asleep for a few hours, and he was exhausted. 

“Why are you whispering?” His mother asked. “You don’t have to share your room with anyone, do you? You’re the campaign manager, you should get your own room.”

“I don’t have to share it, no.” 

“Oh.. oh Joshua.” 

He could hear the disappointment in her voice. She was disappointed that he had just picked someone up in the city where the campaign stopped. It didn’t matter that he was over 40 years old, he was her child, and he knew she wanted more for him. “It’s not like that.”

“It’s okay, son, I understand. I just want you to be happy.”

“Mom…” Josh tried to interrupt before things got even more embarrassing.

“I understand you have needs.”

“Mom, please…”

“But maybe when this is all over you can…”

“It’s Donna, Mom,” he finally managed to interrupt.

“Oh… OH! That’s wonderful, dear! I knew you have feelings for her, and she for you, of course.”

“Don’t get too excited, I don’t know what it really is yet.” 

“Of course you do, you’ve been dancing around each other for years.”

“That doesn’t mean…” Josh sighed. This relationship with Donna, if he could call it that had only been going on for a short time. He knew how he felt, but he wasn’t so sure about Donna. “I don’t know what she wants.”

“Trust me Josh, she wants the same thing as you do. Just tell her.”

“I… I can’t, not yet.”

“Soon,” She said with a sigh. “You don’t have to do all the normal dating stuff, you did that years ago. For goodness sake, Josh, she took care of you for months.” She paused to try and control the emotions that Josh could hear welling up in her voice. He could talk about the shooting without issue, but it always bothered his mother even years later. “She knows just about everything there is to know about you. Good and bad.”

“Not everything,” Josh tried to object.

“Well, that’s a good thing, dear. She’ll learn. I was learning things about your father until the day he died.”

“I just…”

“You always make people think you are so confident, cocky even, but inside you are so worried, scared even. I know this, I’ve known this since you were a child, but Josh? We’re all scared. Take a leap of faith.”

Josh couldn’t speak. His mother was right, he was terrified to screw this up. He’d loved Donna from afar for so long, and now that it was within his reach, he couldn’t find his confidence. 

“And make me some grandkids,” his mom added. 

This pulled Josh out of his head and he laughed, “Okay, mom.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll let you get back. Give Donna a hug from me, and please try and call once in a while.”

“I will, mom. I love you.”

“I love you, son.” 

Josh hit end on his cell phone and walked out of the bathroom and quietly climbed back in the bed.

“Everything okay?” Donna asked, sleepily. 

“Yeah. It was my mom. She wants grandkids.”

“Funny, I talked to my mom yesterday, and she wanted the same thing.”

Josh laughed, “Well then. Maybe we should practice? For you know… when the time comes.” He leaned over and kissed Donna as his hand began traveling up her leg. He still wasn’t so sure about where they were going or what they were doing, but the comment about grandkids didn’t seem to freak Donna out, so he took that as a positive sign. 

“I guess so.” Donna pushed Josh’s shoulder so he was laying on his back, she followed and covered him with her body. 

“We wouldn’t want to make our mother’s mad,” Josh said as he began to kiss down her neck.

“Josh?”

“Hmm, yeah?” He moaned distractedly.

“I love your mother, and mine, but can we please not talk about them right now?”

He looked into her eyes, watching them sparkle with laughter and need. 

“Good plan.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the awkward and abrupt end. Initally I had gone a little further but it didn't really work and I couldn't find a great way to finish. This was the least awkward in the several endings I wrote.


End file.
